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The Transcender: On how to deal with bullies/”mean” people

Remember, bullies/mean people are people, too. They have issues just like any of us. Instead of hating them, the best way to deal with a bully is simply just to understand them. Instead of hating a killer, why don’t we try to understand what pushed them or the circumstances that has happened in their lives that pushed them to be this way? Stop with the blaming and judging…what good does it do? Try to understand, and we might have less hatred in this world. Someone once told me, when you truly learn to love someone more than you hate your enemy, then and only then, the world will be a much more peaceful place to live in.

Personally, the best way for me to confront and deal with bullies has been fairly simple: I try to understand them as people who are struggling with:

1) Insecurity
2) Overcompensation
3) The fact that they were once bullied

When it comes to dealing with bullies, don’t try to take the holier than thou approach—bullies are just people. “I’m so above you, I’m just gonna take your crap and ignore it, because I am the better person.” What good does it do? Try to understand them and put yourself in their shoes. Instead of thinking of them as enemies, I think you would feel a whole lot better about your situation if you realize that they are people, believe it or not, who are hurting as well. Their lives maybe be just as tough as yours—if you’re picking on you, realize that their lives is really that bad in order for them to come after you. Think about it—if they really have better things to do, they wouldn’t be messing with your live right now. They hope that they can make themselves feel better about their lives by trying to hurt yours in hope that they try to distract themselves from their own misery.

All you have to do is have a bit of willpower and imagine that they got it bad if not worse than you at home—their dad or mom probably beat them up as a child or all the time. Put yourself in their shoes—if life happened to you the way that it happened to them, you would be as mean and angry, too. I’m not saying that you should forgive them for everything they do, or try to justify them for any of their wrongdoing, or not hold them responsible for their actions—cuz that’s not okay nor acceptable. But just remember, hatred is not something you’re born with—it’s something that you are taught. A bully is just simply who have been bullied before. Understand that and the bully that you once fear will actually seem human and smaller to you, and all your fears and anger will tend to transfer into understanding and sympathy. They become less scary than they once look.

Imagine saying this to their face “You don’t scare me. You can beat me up all you want, but your all your problems whether at home or in your personal life is not gonna go way. How many more people do you need to hurt in order for you to feel better about yourself? If that makes you feel better about your life by hurting others, then here, I volunteer. Punch me in the face until your hatred for your mom, dad, or whoever hurt you in your life, goes away.” Try it—you’ll be surprise 1) You’ll  be hospitalize or 2) You help someone out by reaching out to them as you pinpoint whatever it is that is driving them to angst. For both your sake, I hope it is a the second result. Try with caution.

If someone say, “That’s gay” ask them what exactly do they mean by that? Ask them, do they really believe “gay” is a synonym for stupid? If they say yes, than if anything, they are just in denial of their sexuality. A person who claims that they hate gay people—is most likely “gay” themselves. Trust me—I know from experience and have met too many people who have admit that. They hope that by channeling negative feelings toward whatever it is that they are feeling, it will be strong enough to suppress these natural feelings into making it go away.

But that’s not how it works. They are just being in denial of their sexuality and out of tune with their feelings and bodies. Deprivation of both sex and feelings will mostly likely turn these people delusional. They believe that if they hate it enough—it will go way. It’s like yelling at yourself for being hungry—dude, it’s perfectly normal to have these feelings. Especially, if your stomach is craving for a banana…now let’s just use that analogy. But because of how this society works, you are suppose to be craving ONLY for apples. And you hate yourself for craving for a banana, and you hate those other people who eat banana freely regardless of what society and other people think. You in turn, hate these banana lovers because you ONLY wish that you can be brave enough to do what they do. But nope—you will instead force yourself to eat an apple—nothing wrong with apple by the way, but it’s really compulsive to make yourself eat ONLY apples—and telling yourself that these banana lovers are sinful people and that you, an apple lover, is an amazing person for not allowing yourself to hunger for bananas.

So yeah…if you meet someone like this who think gay is a synonym for stupid,  explain this simple analogy to them and they might understand what stupidity is for the first time. If they mean no harm when they say “That’s so gay,” then just explain to them that it is actually offensive. If they tell you, “Yo, don’t be so serious” explain to them, that “Yo, it’s actually that serious. You don’t insult someone like that base on the way they love someone.” It’s like having people using that lingo as way to express something they don’t like or care about: “That’s so straight” “That’s so White” “That’s so Asian” “That’s so Black” … and you’re just like, you can’t be anymore creative in the way you express yourself? Don’t use someone’s way of life as a mean to insult them. “That’s so Republican! OMG” No homo, bro, yeah?

Overcompensation: I always question insecure boys who feel that they can only be a man if they treat women badly or if they act like a douche bag—or that they have to smell rusty or don’t shave in order to smell like a man. Taking care of yourself and hygiene is supposedly a “feminine” thing so they go out of their way to do “manly” things like gain a beer belly because that’s just so damn sexy and masculine. Alright dude, stop trying to overcompensate here. Stop trying to look towards to other people or your bros to feel validated as a man or even as a person. Only YOU have the power to validate yourself. Do what makes you feel confident regardless of what society tells you to do as a man. It goes for the same for girls and women. Stop looking at all those media representation of what beauty is. Maybe you feel sexier about yourself if you’re only stick and bones. Maybe you feel sexier about yourself only if other guys keep giving you compliments at club. But at the end of the day, only YOU can find yourself beautiful. It doesn’t matter what anybody else think anymore. If you think that how other people perceive you is more important than your health than actually yourself, or that’s the only thing that matters—then you are definitely lying to yourself and trying to live a life of lie. The best love of all comes from loving yourself.

Enough said.

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